Happy#
Let's start with something happy, for myself and for friends who read my blog.
In the past few weeks, I mentioned Slowly, and a few days ago I received a long-awaited reply from a friend. When I saw the notification that the letter was delivered, I couldn't wait to reply to her.
When I opened Slowly and saw your letter after two months, I believed that you must have recovered well. I couldn't wait to reply to you even before receiving your letter. I guess recovery takes time, and I hope you can recover soon and experience the beauty of the world.
This friend, she is from Brazil (at least that's what she marked), as I mentioned before, not in the same age group. In October, she suddenly informed me that she came to a new city and was anxious, suffering from depression.
Before I came to SHU, I wanted to make new friends through Slowly, mainly to improve my English skills and get to know the lives of people from different parts of the world.
Surprisingly, I got to know a few people who I kept in touch with for a month, but soon everyone got busy with their own lives and there was no more communication, which is quite normal. After all, Slowly, as its name suggests, is not instant messaging, and I quite like it.
I met a friend who was the first person I opened up to when I came to SHU. We chatted and it made me feel like it was a turning point.
Oh, in the previous blog post, I received birthday wishes from several friends, which made me feel the warmth of the internet! Thank you all for your wishes! Occasionally, I check everyone's lives through RSS or manually, even though we are strangers, I still feel happy when I see that everyone is experiencing something wonderful.
Regretful#
I think it's hard for my real-life friends to believe that I am a Sagittarius, a fire sign.
Last week, I met a Leo, and we communicated and shared our life stories with each other.
To say there are no regrets means that we both took a step forward, and to say there are regrets means that we only took a step forward.
Love is indeed complicated.
If I had to do it again, I would still do the same, expressing myself even though I'm not outstanding, having a crazy crush.
It seems like it was the same last time too, accumulating emotional strength, approaching the crush when it feels right, ending up falling into negative territory, and slowly recovering.
Actually, from the beginning, I may not have been confident, as if I didn't see my own sharpness, and others didn't feel it either.
I think I will recover, but it may take some time to deal with it and piece together the broken parts. It's just that there are still some cracks.
When I see this in the future, I may recall the past with regrets, or I may just laugh it off. Who knows?
There are many things I want to say but can't say.
What am I doing#
Anyway, that's it.
Lately, I've been focusing on learning English speaking. On one hand, during the process of learning coding, I realized the importance of English. On the other hand, in an unsatisfactory real-life environment, I still long for sincere communication and good conversations. I have thought about whether there will be an opportunity in the future to find a remote job and return to my hometown to live my own life.
I have received messages from two friends who didn't pursue postgraduate studies. One successfully got a job at the local power supply bureau, and the other failed to switch to coding but still got into a related field (there will be opportunities to switch later, or there are advantages to switching). After graduation, it seems that everyone's life trajectory has undergone significant changes. Some pursue postgraduate studies, some endure their jobs, and some are preparing to get married. It makes me sigh at how things have changed. Once a choice is made, there is no turning back.
For myself, I still want to explore more possibilities. I want to share a quote I learned from a dental vlog video recently:
What's the whole point of graduate study?
I would say that it's about exploring the potential of oneself. It's about finding the light through the darkness. It's about living with bravery and resilience.
Speaking of English, I tried a trial lesson on Cambly, and it was pretty good. I even thought about subscribing to it, to communicate with foreign friends every week, not worrying about pronunciation or anything, just casual conversations.
These days, I've been a bit crazy in the lab, and when I wrote this weekly journal, I drank my senior sister's plum wine, 12°C, 330ml. I feel a bit dazed, and I write whatever comes to mind.
This feeling of being mentally clear but dazed is quite nice. If I get drunk, I won't be able to maintain it. I don't want to lose control. I hope I have the opportunity to drink and chat naturally with friends, to have happy conversations. (Oh, saying this doesn't mean I've started to like drinking. Drinking is not a necessary condition.)
Do adults also have conversations in this state when they drink? I don't know.
Life is still beautiful~