Looking back with more determination, and holding hope for the future.
I'll Give Myself a Label First#
Learning in the New Phase#
In 2021, the biggest wish should be to find a job. Today is January 1, 2023, just a few days after the postgraduate entrance examination in 2023. Here, I omit a long exhale. I have friends who are familiar with World War II, cyber friends, and friends who are in their fifth year of clinical medicine and just took the postgraduate entrance examination this year. It's really hard.
I feel like I've lost a lot of energy after a year of postgraduate study. But this is ultimately because I didn't study well in my undergraduate years, didn't figure out the contradictions at the beginning of 2021, why I wanted to pursue postgraduate study, and how I should pursue it. Now I don't have the answers, and I feel even more confused and lost.
But when I was watching the conversation between Ami and Lai Shengchuan, Director Lai Shengchuan said:
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I think the most important thing in life is to contemplate life.
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Gradually, I transitioned from anxiety in September and October to accepting this state, changing my mindset. Can I find the answers I want in other things, do well in things I like, and classify other things as things I don't like and try to do them first before evaluating them?
From June, when I graduated and started using Hexo and Hugo, I stayed up late to tinker with them. Looking back now, it may seem like a small mistake, but it took a long time to tinker with them at the time. But I was really happy, searching for tutorials everywhere, and referencing other people's blog source code. In October, I remember looking at computer networks every day, understanding the knowledge points that I didn't fully grasp during my undergraduate years, and exclaiming in my heart, "So this is how computer networks work!" Then in December, I started studying operating systems and realized the charm of "black books"...
I hope I can continue to pursue my interest in programming, but I still need to remember to graduate successfully and do what a boss should do, to be able to handle things but not avoid them (dddd).
Some Thoughts#
Saying Goodbye to Yangzhou#
Complaining and grumbling, I still left Yangzhou. But it's impossible to leave without any memories.
I really liked the several dormitory aunties who smiled every day. When I was leaving, I told them, "I got into graduate school, so I can continue studying." The aunties were very happy. They hope that the children who leave this ordinary, or even not so good, school can all work and live well.
During the four years of classes, each classroom had its own multimedia key and microphone, with dedicated management personnel. There were sisters who chose free time for their families, and grandpas who loved practicing calligraphy, and they all lived a repetitive but passionate life.
During the four years of classes, I also met several life mentors, such as Teacher Yu and Teacher Yan. I am very grateful to them for giving me some opportunities and influencing me to some extent. And in the self-study room on the fifth floor, there were Old Wang, Shuo Peng, and Ni Shen...
The campus is very small, and you can walk around it in a short time. When it was about to leave, a badminton court, a swimming pool, a new postgraduate study room, and improved library facilities were built...
In the past, my daily activities were mainly in the library, classrooms, and cafeteria. Later, newcomers may have more routes to explore...
Saying Hello to Shanghai#
In September, I came to SHU with expectations. I remember it was raining during registration, and it was the first time I crossed campuses (continuing from the previous text, my undergraduate years were very mediocre and small). I didn't expect that I would need a nucleic acid test to cross campuses (later I learned that I needed to do a nucleic acid test every day), and I wandered around with my roommate holding an umbrella, feeling that the school was very big, and the roads were endless. I silently compared it with the past.
Later, I gradually became familiar with the campus. I learned how to navigate through the classrooms A, B, C, and D on campus, and which cafeteria had delicious breakfast and where I could eat noodles, and so on. The first impression I had was that the cafeteria was really expensive and the food was not good, but later I got used to it. When I was very hungry, I would ride my bike back to the campus to eat at the cafeteria, even if it cost more than 20 yuan, and I gained five or six pounds... The dishes with chili in the cafeteria on campus were all sweet, really sweet, which shocked me.
From September to December, I was basically locked down for nearly two months and didn't go out much. Going out usually meant eating with my roommates. I have a deep impression of the complicated subway system and the need to pay attention to the direction of the subway when going up and down stairs. Friends in the same group went to many places, and I doubted whether I had walked many roads in the past three years.
I hope that in 2023, order can gradually be restored, and I can go out more and experience more. When I graduate and leave, or after working for a while and leaving Shanghai, I will have a certain feeling for this city.
With Friends#
I need to express my emotions. I will call friends I met while playing the game Yin Yang Shi, and even contacted a friend I met six years ago while playing Hearthstone during the first half of the year. When I was anxious in the second half of the year, I called my Ph.D. brother who played Hearthstone with me every month and expressed my feelings to friends I used to play Yin Yang Shi with.
Whether it's friends on the Internet or friends in real life, most people have graduated and entered the workforce or are pursuing postgraduate studies. Suddenly, I felt that everyone had entered a new stage, and it was a huge change from the days of studying. Everyone has their own pressures, whether it's from work, academics, family, and so on...
The economic environment is not good, and work may not necessarily go smoothly. The pandemic has also had a big impact on life.
In the past, I used to talk casually with friends, but now I dare not talk to them casually or express my emotions freely. They probably have their own suppressed emotions.
At the new school, the biggest group of friends I made were the senior brothers and sisters in the same group. Each person has their own characteristics, and indeed, we are a very ordinary group. Everyone has basically recognized reality, but after spending some time together, I can still feel each person's uniqueness. They have also been my spiritual support over the past few months.
...
People still need social interaction and contact with others.
I hope that friends who are working in 2023 can go smoothly, and friends who are pursuing postgraduate studies can continue to improve. I hope that society and personal life can gradually return to normal.
Summary and Expectations#
When I stopped to think about 2021 while writing this, I only remembered two things: a failed relationship and the postgraduate entrance examination. But looking at 2022, it seems like they are not significant events anymore.
In 2022, I am grateful for the time I spent and the rewards I received. I dared to meet new friends, wrote blogs and had conversations with myself seriously, and started a new life and study environment after graduation... When I stop and look back, I am quite content.
I hope that in 2023, I can continue to persist in learning coding, remember the joy of learning, stick to my career plan, and broaden my horizons a little bit more. Read more books, do more exercise, and meet more people.
Love life, live diligently, peace!