Wow, I haven't written anything in May yet. If I don't write something soon, this month will be over. On Friday afternoon, when the deadline was not met, I decided to tidy up my emotions during this time.
In the blink of an eye, I have finished all the Thursdays. I took a long breath and sorted out my emotions.
"The Razor's Edge"#
After finishing "The Three-Body Problem" on Kindle, it was left to gather dust. I thought I should read more books, so I sporadically finished reading Mr. Maugham's "The Razor's Edge".
I really like the ending words, where everyone finds satisfaction: Larry achieves the freedom he desires, Isabel lives the capitalist life she wants, and Elliott enters the upper class society he desires.
After retiring, Larry is emotionally traumatized. Instead of accepting a perfectly written script to do business, he embarks on a spiritual pursuit that others don't understand. Whether in the book or in reality, he will be misunderstood. Faced with the fork in the mist and the bright future, Larry chooses to find what he wants in the fork.
This semester, I made new friends. I used to envy having plenty of time and being highly adaptable, while feeling old myself. But recently, my thinking has changed. I envy having freedom and control over one's own life. Each stage has its own freedom and limitations.
I hope that my current efforts will allow me to have more control in the future. I know that I am just an ordinary person and cannot be like Larry.
May Day#
With Friends#
I went home for May Day and only had one meal with friends. The picture looked tempting, but the taste didn't meet my expectations (fine).
I had a lot of conversations with friends during the meal. He shared his experiences after entering the legal profession and talked about the impact of technologies like GPT on the industry. I just kept eating and didn't say much. Listening to him felt like listening to an investor analyzing fluctuations and changes. Meanwhile, I have transformed into an "diode" engineering student this year, only interested in technical discussions.
He has matured a lot, even his WeChat profile picture has become more mature, with a photo of him in a suit. Well, it's a sign of a mature man (can't help but make a joke, hhh).
After that meal, I didn't go out much...
Changes at Home#
During short visits like this, there will inevitably be good food and drinks to "serve" me. I had lobster full of meat, which made me very satisfied. The simple meals at home are better than the fancy ones outside.
My aunt gave my grandmother an old Android phone, so she became fashionable too. She started using Douyin and happily analyzed interesting things about the internet with me. The internet is impacting the whole society. After tea and meals, the uncles and aunts in the village not only talk about who is doing well or not, but also talk about what they saw online...
On one hand, I want to criticize the toxicity of these media, but on the other hand, I can't help but feel amazed. Even the elderly want to keep up with the times, talk to younger generations, and discuss fresh things happening online. They don't want to be left behind...
The day before yesterday, my grandmother called me and said she saw on her phone that the COVID-19 situation in SH was very serious, and asked me to be careful. Hahaha, in fact, I had already been vaccinated by then, but I didn't take an antigen test...
I can also see my parents aging. I see a more peaceful side of them, but it scares me. On one hand, they feel somewhat powerless and can't help me much. They want to say something, but they are afraid of annoying me, so they hold back. On the other hand, they are afraid that I haven't grown up, that I will be deceived and won't take care of myself, so they want to say more.
In the eyes of most parents, their children will always be children...
Every time I want to admire the older generation, whether it's providing a good life or anything else, they give everything they can. But when it comes to myself, I think it's hard for me to do the same. I am selfish.
I hope my parents age slowly and that I can make them aware of my growth. I hope they can also live their own lives in the future.
One-Third of My Master's Life#
I have finished one-third of my life as a master's student, and I can't help but make a few comments.
I have taken courses for three semesters and have felt the enthusiasm of many teachers in matrix theory (I don't understand, but I am moved by their passion for mathematics). I have been busy with data science courses that torture people, but I also admire the knowledge of that teacher, which surpasses most other teachers. I have experienced the laid-back teaching style of an English teacher, which I envy. She has a free and open attitude towards educating children, which is interesting. Most of the courses are still limited to "Pre, Pre, Pre," and most classmates don't understand what you're saying, and you don't understand their topics either...
During this year, I have also met students who are pursuing a combined master's and Ph.D. program. They have encouraged me to move forward during anxious days. I have also encountered my crush and took a brave step, even though the outcome was regrettable. I have met young children who openly share their emotions. I have reconnected with old friends and look forward to meeting and talking with them again. I am grateful for all the encounters and experiences...
The plan for the future is simple: try to publish a small paper, and if that doesn't work, resort to watering it down... The main focus is to invest my energy in transitioning to computer science. Finally, I have plenty of time to plan and pursue what I want.
There are days when I really like every song on the daily recommendation, and there are days when I click on the next song like crazy. I hope we can all sort out our emotions and enjoy our own lives.